||	MOOD	:	pissed off	||
||	MUSIC	:	Ron White - Cousin Ray	||

ATTENTION: FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T KNOW I'M IN THE PROCESS OF MOVING TO ANOTHER JOURNAL. SO EVENTUALLY I'LL ADD YOU TO MY NEW(OLD) JOURNAL ONCE THIS PAID ACCOUNT EXPIRES.


there, now you know. no bitching when i delete you. just be patient.

I have recently come to the conclusion that someone's trying to fuck me over. For whatever reason someone somewhere likes to see me miserable. I bet they beat off to it. There's probably hidden cameras in my house all over the place but too small for the naked eye to see.

"Tabitha CANNOT EVER SUCCEED AT ANYTHING EVER HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHAHAHA. No. Nuh uh. Never."

||	MOOD	:	scared	||
||	MUSIC	:	fellowship of the ring (extended)	||

my arm went numb yesterday. not just like oh half of my arm is numb because of the way i slept, i mean i was washing my hair in the shower and from my shoulder down went completely numb. it was the second scariest thing that's happned to me. i know some of you are saying "why's that scary to you?" and i will answer that; there's something wrong with me and i dunno what and doctors refuse to see me because i dont have insurance. i can't bend my head without some feeling going down into my leg and my hand. i can't walk withotu my leg feeling like it's going numb and will eventually give out on me. and now my hand is fucked. but this isn't like a few months ago when my ahnd went all weird. this is worse because that went away. unfortunately it's not the same thing because that i could live with, this shit about it going numb for no god damned reason is horrible. i'm paranoid to take a shower now and i dont want to go to sleep. i'm so fucking scared that whatever is wrong with me is irriversable or that it's going to get worse before i can see a doctor. well i know it's getting worse actually or maybe better, i'm not sure. it's not as bad in my leg as it was, like behind my kneecap hurts and the side of my thigh tingles, but now it's worse in my hand. a doctor i saw before said it was my sciatic nerve but woudl that affect my hand? maybe i have a pinched nerve in my back, i dunno. i can't trust doctors anymore. i have been misdiagnosed all the way around.

but on a happier note, sarah ran into danny, so he's stalking her now instead of me and i got Gag to level 51 today. XD

( GUESS WHAT LJ?!@ )

||	MOOD	:	stressed	||
||	MUSIC	:	Heart Bazaar - Sodium Hi	||

i went to the ER yesterday for my dizziness and was made into a human pin cusion.the nurse that was in charge of the IV decided to put the lock IV in my right wrist after deciding my right hand, arm and my left arm wouldn't thread the IV, but naturally he tried those first.
we were there for 8 hours, and according to them there is nothing wrong with me. my arm being numb was a concern to him though and diagnosed that when i said i wanted a second opinion as Raynaud's Phenomena. so he gave me an anti inflammatory med with a side effect list a page long and ordered a CT scan.
that went well >.>
the machine broke while i was in it. twice. but they were able to get the scans of my head and neck before giving up. those came back as normal. so my dizzy ness or the feeling of something in my throat went undiagnosed and i was sent home with orders to see my non existent primary care doctor.
i haven't gotten a good night's sleep in over a week now and all i seem to want to do is cry. i can't get medi-cal because i'm not pregnant, with kid and i'm white. i can't get insurance because i can't afford it. my mom can't get insurance for the same reason and the company she works for doesn't offer it. i can't pay for any of this and i dont know what to do.
i thought i was happy with the chiropractic diagnosis of a pinched nerve, but since lasts night adventures i'm inclined to get a third opinion.

i'm sick on top of being numb. i don't know what i have but i'm going to see my moms doctor tomorrow.